Saturday - Go shopping for dress. Get pissed off. Can't find anything I like. Get hot and sweaty in changing rooms, get blown about and rained on in the street. Give up. Decide I have a perfectly good dress at home, just need a few accessories.
Sunday - Choose accessories. Don't like anything I own. Find hat, goes with coat not with dress. Tear trimming off hat. Decide to retrim hat. Have nothing to retrim it with.
Monday - Dye hair. Spend as much time cleaning hair dye of bathroom surfaces as getting it in hair.
Tuesday - Leg wax & eye brow threading. World of pain. Wonder when I decided this was a good idea.
Wednesday - Try to retrim hat. Feel uninspired. Shout at husband - because he is there.
Thursday - Find shoes online that I think are really quite ugly, but for some inexplicable reason I HAVE to have them. They would be fantastic with my dress. Go to shop, they aren't in stock, get them to ring next shop, they aren't in stock, get them to ring next shop, they can't get through. Figure, the other store is the flagship store, bound to have shoes in stock. Cross London, discover they don't. What they do have is thousands of teenage girls doing Thursday late night shopping. Get angry. Go home empty handed.
Decide I have perfectly good shoes at home.
Friday - Exfoliate. Fake tan.
Saturday - Look in mirror.
Spend 27 mins scrubbing tangerine-coloured skin with a nail brush. This is true exfoliation.
Wash hair, intensive moisturise conditioner, moisterise, apply make-up, paint toe-nails, scrub palms again. Remember alcohol wipes are supposed to be good for removing stubborn stains.
Vodka on cotton wool doesn't have the same affect.
Write card. Charge camera battery. Get dressed.
Look at legs.
Sit on edge of bath. One final scrub of legs.
Good to go.
The husband's preparation:
Saturday (15 minutes before due to leave) - Pulls out same outfit he wore to our wedding two and a half years ago. The only things that have been washed since are his shirt and socks. (And for those of you wondering if I have missed another oft washed item I haven't - it is a kilt and he is a true Scot).
Good to go.