... But, it appears, I can't hide.
Despite defacing myself I am still besieged by tales of girls I once knew popping out progeny with gay abandon (or should that be heterosexual abandon?).
Today I received the "Old Girls' Association" newsletter. I told you I went to a posh school.
This was a school where academic achievement was thrust upon us and we were constantly told of the brave new world where, despite our double X chromosomes, we could become anything we wanted. Think, 'The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie' but with a more English accent, less well defined chins and lashings of lacrosse. We were to become tomorrow's doctors, lawyers, scientists and "ooops I've just squandered a gazillion pounds of someone else's money" bankers. And to be fair some of them have achieved such dizzying heights.
But not so as you'd know it from the 'News' section.
It is stacked full with birth announcements. To be honest reading about girls I went to school with who'd had kids didn't bother me that much, I didn't get jealous, or upset. It just made me wonder what the fuck I'd been doing for the last 15 years.
Take this news about two girls who were younger than me at school:
XXXX is a GP, enjoying being a mum to her two girls and planning to return to work in 2009. She keeps in touch with XXXX who had her 3rd baby in March 2008.
Shit. I've been with my husband for, give or take, fourteen years and we've barely managed three pot plants and a lazy dog that we had to adopt because we couldn't have managed a puppy.
My particular favourite notification was that a girl a couple of years older than me had been awarded an MBE at Buckingham Palace (I know, it is incredible). But this was only mentioned after sharing the news that she got married last year.
Because at the end of the day, girls, you clearly haven't achieved until you have found yourself a husband and squeezed out the next heir apparent.