Sunday, 22 February 2009

Project Procreate

I have, at last, finished my course work for this bloody management course. Which has consisted of a large number of hours sitting in front of a computer ostensibly writing my essays but in reality spending my time considering how to push the box and think outside the envelope.

So what have I learnt?

Apparently nothing is impossible - in fact even the word should really be read I'm possible - do you see what they did there? Sigh.

I have decided, therefore, to apply the tools and techniques of management to Project Procreate.

An old favourite is SMART. Before starting a project you must ensure that your plan is: Specific, Measurable, Appropriate, Realistic, Time-bound.

Specific - This bit is easy, specifically I am looking for a child out of this project. I could go two, but one will do just now.

Measurable - this one isn't a problem either. He/ she/ they can be measured not only by their presence in the cot but also weight, height, number of digits, I might even start to understand this whole percentile thing.

Appropriate - but of course, it is quite appropriate. We even waited until after we go married before we started trying (for no moral reasons, just happenstance).

Realistic - Ahh, this is where it starts to get sticky. Well, it isn't unrealistic, looking increasingly unlikely but I'm not a man, or a post-menopausal woman... wait a moment even that doesn't stop some people (exhibit a and b).

Time-bound - what the fuck? Every time I try to put a deadline on this or think this time next year I will definitely be either a mother or pregnant I fail. Ok, Ok this isn't working for me.


If a task is proving difficult to schedule a helpful technique is to draw a Gantt Chart. This will enable one to see at a glance the key stages of delivery and enable one to ascertain in which order activities should be undertaken in order to reach the deadline.

Uh-hu, sounds good here you are:

It's is a bit difficult to read, and I haven't figured tables in blogspot, but the different elements are, from the top:

Coil (clear womb)
Get pregnant
Decorate nursery
Give birth
My birthday

You know when I see it laid out like that it is so simple. A mere fifteen months and I could squeeze one out before my thirty fourth birthday (just).

I don't know what I've been worrying about.

And finally - in true management cliched style - I've made up a wee motivational mantra for you. When infertility is straining your relationship and causing you to hurt one another remember:

There is no 'i' in fetus - but there is an 'us'.

No, no, you don't have to thank me.


  1. Hilarious!!! Especially since I just finished up setting my "SMART" objectives at work!

  2. this is one project where hubby should not be thinking outside the box...

  3. Love the motivational mantra! I'm gonna use it. :)

  4. Sorry. I was just about to say something apropos and clever, but Xbox has made me collapse in a sniggery heap.


    Will be using the motivational mantra every time my Boss of Bosses smiles and chirrups "There's no 'i' in team!" at us. Prefereable to my previous under-breath "yes, but there is a 'me', 'meat'head."

  5. Wow - you are management material - you did a Gannt chart for ttc/pg/birth, and a SMART analysis. That's what I call organisation.

    ...and I thank you for your mantra. Like nutsinmay, I have always liked to point out that, while there is no "i" in "team", there is a "me in there if you just jumble the letters a bit.

  6. I love it... SMART, great chart, great mantra! Let's hope everything falls in line!

  7. Cheers Megan,

    I like a bit of exaggeration Mary, thank you.

    Xbox, true, but he should also be touching base.

    Lea, in that case my work here is done.

    May,I prefer the retort "No, but there is a u in cunt". (Oh and I cannot be held responsible for any loss of jobs etc etc...)

    Amanda, organised or playing around instead of doing something useful - you choose.

    Leslee, yes, I hope to get all my ducks in a row.

  8. I've been gone a while, but I have not forgotten.. Good to see that you still have your sense of humor. The best laid plans!

  9. Brilliant!Love the SMART approach and the There is no 'i' in fetus - but there is an 'us'.I thank you anyway.

  10. Nice to hear from you again Deborah, especially whilst your hands are so full just now.

    Leo, I have tried to leave about 8 comments on your blog but the word verification doesn't come up and it won't let me - so, in the hope you come back and see this: Brilliant news (said in a cautious manner whilst knowing this is just the first of a hundred little steps) and a lesson to never trust what your body is telling you!

  11. Loved this post. Very smart... :-)

  12. WFI, have to check what's wrong... Left a message for you on my own post. Hope you can see it, let me know otherwise. Again, fingers crossed for you.

  13. Brilliant! This brought me back to my days studying Management Accountancy - about as exciting as it sounds.

    How about a supply chain or a SWOT analysis?

  14. Ha, Mick, see what you did there. You gots the smarts too.

    It is working again Leo

    You know I haven't ruled out a SWOT or maybe a PESTLE analysis, Jane, but I can't do all the work for you! (especially when you are clearly well qualified to do the same).

  15. Found you from beautifulcervix and just wanted to say I love your SMART objective. All the best!


I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!