Thursday, 5 February 2009

Just say No

Well, after the last post saying I was going to write about things other than being broken womb-wise, I'm ... er ... going to just going to quickly tell you about this phone conversation I've just had:

Me: Hello! How are you ... shit! I've just remembered you texted to see if we could come over for the weekend. Sorry, I'm rubbish at replying to texts
Her: Oh don't worry. Actually I had a bit of an ulterior motive for inviting you round that weekend.
Me: Yeah, go on.
Her: Well, remember [my husband]'s best mate left his wife and ended up seeing that girl from work who I can't stand.
Me: Uh-huh
Her: She's only gone and got herself knocked up, an 'accident' apparently. My arse, I knew she'd properly get her claws into him.
Me: Ahh.
Her: But because she is clearly going to be hanging around I feel like I need to start accepting her a bit more. So I've invited them over. And because you are so nice and diplomatic and get on with everyone I thought if you guys came over too it might help diffuse the situation.
Me: Rrrright ... weeelllll ... um
Her: Is it the dog?
Me: No, no, the dog's fine. Its just, well, we've been trying to get pregnant since we got married. And at the moment are on a bit of an enforced break. And to be honest I don't think I could really cope with hanging out with someone who has got knocked up really quickly just like that.
Her: Oh god, oh I'm sorry! Forget it. Don't worry. Its fine. I figure you guys were probably trying. But I'm sure it will be fine. Do you remember that couple you met at our barbeque in the summer? Well, they were trying for ages, IVF and everything, then when they gave up and stopped they got pregnant naturally ...

***

But I do feel quite pleased with myself for actually coming clean and saying no, I can't do this right now.


18 comments:

  1. Oh, the infamous "they stopped try & poof" comment. Sorry. I'm proud of you for stepping out too. I know it's not easy.

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  2. WFI,life is too short and hard to do things because of social obligations and niceties.If you feel you can't deal with the situation you've done the right thing by being honest and saying no.Good for you.I've had enough of that 'by accident' bullshit too.. it's right up there with the 'just relax'...

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  3. Good for you for just being honest and up front about how it would currently be an uncomfortable situation for you.

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  4. Yes as everyone knows if you arn't trying then you'll get knocked up....idiots

    Good on you for the coming out and self protecting, a girl has gotta do what a girl has gotta do

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  5. I've come up with a semi theory.

    All those fools who say they knew someone who was trying X, Y, Z and gave up and THEN got knocked up... they have been duped by the folk who got knocked up via ivf or whatever but didn't fancy telling anyone that their baby is a test tuber.

    Taboo & gullibility combined, no?

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  6. Good for you. You need to be selfish and take car of yourself right now. You've been through so much, just do what you want to do.

    And your songs are hilarious!!! Boom boom boom I want you in my womb.

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  7. Yes!!! Good for you for just putting it out there. There's a lot of relief in that, and doesn't it feel good to have some sort of control in this whole thing!!

    I HATE the "They stopped trying and ended up getting pregnant naturally" line. Please. How often does that really happen?

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  8. Good on you for saying what you were feeling.
    As for your friend, I guess she started blathering because she didn't know what to say. People say dumb things when they start blathering - I think they are really trying to say something they think is positive but they usually cock it up. I copped similar blathering when I miscarried - "Its all for the best because there was probably something WRONG with the baby" meh.

    One of my best friends has 2 IVF girls and a third (naturally conceived) baby on the way ... When she hears the "I bet you got pg naturally because you were more relaxed this time", she points out that its only taken them *9 years* for a natural pg and since one of their girls has serious food intolerance issues, she's not been relaxed for the past 6 years so perhaps they weren't *stressed* enough to get pregnant before now. (she has a sick sad sense of humour which is why I love her).

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  9. I hate the success stories that people tell you about when you tell them that you are having problems ttc. In fact I nearly wrote a post about it but I never got round to it so I'll just rant in this comment. Why do people think that we want to hear about the success of others who have struggled to conceive? It doesn't offer me comfort, in fact it has the total opposite effect on me. The more success stories I hear the more I am convinced that we are not going to have the same luck.

    Anwyay, well done on saying that you didn't want to go. I'm terrible when it comes to saying no.

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  10. Oh, that is the worst line ever. A male friend of mine said that to me the other day...which followed by, "why don't you just get a dog." OMFG! I wanted to kick him where it hurts.

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  11. Good for you in being strong and not spending time with people who are just going to make you feel worse.

    Any tips? I am friends with 9 pregnant people at the moment and it is KILLING me.

    I have two friends left who aren't pregnant.
    It really sucks.

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  12. Good job!!

    And yeah.. of course there are 20 stories about the "stopped trying," and the "naturally." Funny how everyone knows one, but it's really such a looow percentage of IFers.

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  13. well done for letting ur guard down a bit! im struggling with that aspect too and so far only really close friends and family know. i could happily slap the 'accident' people. Good Luck, ill continue to follow ur progress if thats ok !. x x x

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  14. Lea, Thank you, I'm pretty proud of myself too.

    Leo, yeah, it might have been an accident for him, but not (from what I hear) for her.

    Cheers Batty, I just got fed up with putting a brave face on things.

    PiB, you knew that too? Why did no one tell me? Oh wait a mo they all did.

    Xbox, very possibility - but maybe not because they didn't want to admit to the test tube thing but they don't want people to start calculating just how much money they must have had stashed away to afford so many attempts.


    Megan, oh. selfish. oh right...

    (No I'm not really offended.)


    Leslie, maybe we should stop try and see if it works for us? Wait a minute, how do you stop trying?


    Amanda, I do like the sound of your mate. I want more people like her to speak out and make it easier for the rest of us.

    Secret D, I think Amanda was right people don't know what to say so end up with their feet firmly in their mouth.

    Mary, I have a dog, it doesn't help! Tell your mate that.

    S, 9 oh my god, I have no advice. It also mean 9 birth stories, babies and "it'll be you next"'s.

    Barb, just it is always someone people know very few in the blogosphere.

    Hi Bubba, welcome to my blog delighted to have you.

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  15. Well done on being strong enough to say no! Sometimes we all need to put our own needs before those of others - particularly when it comes to something as painful and as personal as infertility.

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  16. Good on you on saying no. There's no way in hell I would be able to hang out with a couple in that situation. It's self preservation really.

    As for the "they gave up trying and it just happened naturally". How does that work exactly? They gave up trying? So they started using contraception again and lo and behold their baby grew under a head of cabbage in their back garden?

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  17. This is in line with several pregnancy announcements I recieved the last year or two. At parties the guy is like ... "she was on birth control and everything and we just got pregnant! We're excited though."

    Meanwhile, prego and I share a look that's me going, "I know you got knocked up on purpose, probably to get a ring." And she looks back at me with a look that says, "you can't prove anything."

    The part about "poof!" is just what people say. I'd bet lots of $$$ that it wasn't naturaly done. People hide a bunch when it comes to this sort of thing.

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  18. jesus @ the "stopped trying and poof" remark. yipes. and whatever.

    I always say NO too!

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