Ever wondered why, whenever we dare the share the shameful secret of our infertility, we are told to 'just relax'?
Its it things like this, that's why.
*** Update *** I posted this in a fit of "Oh for fuck's sake". But, on second thoughts I'm back to try and explain why I think the whole relax thing gets to me so much?
Because part of me feels guilty. Part of me wonders whether it really is my fault.
Maybe because I knew I have irregular periods I was already half-convinced that I wouldn't be able to conceive.
Maybe I could be pregnant by now if I hadn't thought about it and just got on with it.
In a way discovering the endometrial hyperplasia gives me a way out. Look, here is the diagonsis, I have a 'proper medical reason' for not having got pregnant. It is science. Relaxing really wouldn't have helped.
Or is it?
Could my thick womb lining be the result of a tense womb?
Have my negative thoughts manifested themselves in unshiftable womb-gunk?
Does anyone else ever wonder if it is really all their fault?
(Which then, of course, cycles back into a whole other beating ourselves up and not relaxing vicious circle).