Tuesday, 13 January 2009

An Open Email to my Period

Dear Period

Sorry. I know you are pissed off that I have been hanging out with Vera and haven't let you come out for ages. Please don't take it personally I haven't seen her for two weeks now, it is you I want.

I know this is pay back. Contrary to popular belief I'm not stupid.

I see your game. I know you are waiting for me to get an attack of the Liz Hurley's and start donning white jeans (with out knickers of course - can't go having a visible pantie line).

I appreciate you want to see me skipping gaily out of the house without a tampon or sanitary towel anywhere about my person before you put in an appearance.

It is clear you are rubbing your hands with glee at the prospect of me finding myself in a meeting where I have no opportunity to leave the room, before you allow me to feel a heart-stopping drip, drip, trickle in my nether regions.

But get over it, I've said I'm sorry. Don't make me come in there and drag you out myself (my arms aren't that long).

Hope to see you soon.

Womb for Improvement

P.S. If it is any consolation you ARE driving me crazy, look you've got me writing correspondence to my menstrual flow. Bloody bitch.


10 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you are still waiting for that illusive period. hope it comes soon and that you can get to a bathroom...

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  2. I do hope you start bleeding heavily quite soon.

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  3. Hee hee. We want her, then we don't, then we want her again. Maybe we confused her too much, lol?

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  4. Pure torture. I hope it shows soon.

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  5. Me too, Megan, me too

    Ahh! Xbox you say the sweetest things you really do.

    It is true Mary, but she should stop playing hard to get now.

    Thanks Lea, personally I feel like giving up on her.

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  6. Dear Womb for Improvement's period,

    Get the hell on with it, you passive-aggressive THING, you.

    Love, the Concerned Internets.

    PS and no flooding or bad hurting. I've got my eye on you.

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  7. Dear Aunty Flo,
    Just wondering if you could drop in to see WFI today. She's missed you terribly and can't wait to see you. She's even wearing her best white frock because she knows how much you love it when she wears white.
    XA
    ~~~
    Now you've got me talking to her too. I hope the old bag catches up with you soon.

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  8. Come out, come out...wherever you arrrree!

    Red rover; Red Rover, send Period right over!

    (ok, childhood games, that should taunt her enough).

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  9. Well that just sucks. Maybe you should just wear the white pants (not to work or anything but just out and about) without appropriate supplies. Just to trick her.

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  10. Or arrange a romantic weekend away with the anticipation of much passionate shagging. That's usually enough to tempt her out of her hiding place.

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I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!