Is romance dead?

Remember make up sex? The passion the fury and energy that went into fighting being transfered to passion in the bed room.

Its not like that with us. Instead we have grumpy sex. Here's a typical exchange:

Her (lets face it me): Hmmm, I'm going to bed now.
Him: Ok.
Her: You coming?
Him: I'll be through in a bit I'm just going to finish watching this.
Her: Oh come to bed now, it'll be nice.
Him: I won't be long.
Her: Come on we could, you know ...
Him: Nice, but I just want to see the end of this.
Her: No 'cause by the time that finishes I'll be asleep, and I want to get into work early tomorrow.
Him: Well maybe we could have sex tomorrow night.
Her: BUT I'M OVULATING TODAY!
Him: Oh....
Her: Come on.
Him: Fine, but I'm knackered too so you can go on top.
Her: Great you want me to do all the work as usual, just forget it I don't feel like it any more.
Him: Well neither do I but I've turned the telly off now so come on.

Who needs candles, pink champagne and Kenny G on the stereo when you have seduction like that on an ordinary Wednesday night?

Apparently its even worse when you are on Chlomid because your moods are all over the place anyway. Anyone else experienced this?

Day 58

I have irregular periods, like not 2 or 3 days overdue but a cycle of sometime 80 or 90 days. Once again this month guess what? I'm making like the white rabbit.

A summary of where I am at:

Years ago I went 5 months without a period. I was concerned so went to a doctor who diagnosed polycystic ovaries (PCOS). At the time she said there was no point in doing anything as it wasn't doing me any harm and would only become an issue when I wanted to get pregnant. Then, she reassured me there were drugs I could take. Brilliant. No worries then.

Fast forward 5 years and I figured I'd give it a couple of months and if nothing happens, pop along to see a doctor (I'd moved house and doctors since the initial diagnosis) take a couple of pills and I'd be away.

I started trying in November 06, and in March 07 went to the doctors and was told that we had to wait at least a year before there would be any medical intervention.

A year later, another new Doctor, this time I was told they wouldn't refer us to a specialist until we had been trying for two years.

And here is tip number one. Don't take no for an answer. I was polite, but firm. I whipped out my list of dates clearly showing my periods were irregular threw in a few carefully chosen words like Luteinizing Hormone and Chlomid to show I had done my homework and due to the wonders of the NHS waiting lists it was only another 3 months before I was waltzing into my first appointment with a specialist.

Incredibly by that time my periods had started to get really regular. For the last six months I could practically set my calendar by the surfing of the crimson tide. This was it. I thought I had got better all by myself and pregnancy was just round the corner.

And then 1 of May, no period, negative test, repeat ad infinitum for the next 28 days. I'm not pregnant, it has just been 58 days since my last period. Great! At least I'm saving money on tampons.

Sorry about the long post but thought I'd fill in my background. Anyone else in a similar situation?

Face Up To It

Facebook, Friends Reunited, probably Bebo, myspace, facespace, myface, stalkpeopleyounolongerwanttotalkto.com. Or just plain googling folk. It all makes it so hard, and so tempting to find ex's, old friends, people you once met on holiday and discover they have children. And its hard.

I looked up an ex on facebook the other day. I had no intention of getting in touch with him but wanted to see if I could find him and see if he was still in touch with another friend (with a much more common name). His profile picture was him with two small children.

My heart stopped.

I couldn't look anymore.

In the first flush of excitement upon joining facebook I became 'friends' with a girl I have barely been in touch with since leaving school. Other than a picture on my friends list she hasn't troubled my inbox or thoughts since. But she lurched back into my life this morning with a facebook status update "Colette is delighted that she is having another boy"*. Wow. Right there. I knew she already had one child. One that she gave birth to just as I started trying so now in less time she has another on the way.

The moral? There isn't one really. I realised that I half wanted to discover other people who had had children, its like biting a mouth ulcer or prodding a bruise, you know it will hurt but just can't help yourself.

So I've gone into self protect mode. I've deleted the old friend from my facebook friends list, I've been reliably informed they don't get an alert if you do this so you can slip quietly away. I've stopped myself from looking up people I use to get in touch with. And though I known I will continue to hear about old friends who have had children and will continue to feel upset by it, but I'm not about to go out there looking for it.

Is it just me or do you find yourself scouring the internet for proof of other people's fecundity**?

*names have been changed to protect the innocent, I may have also changed whether she was expecting a boy or it might be a double bluff and she really is. You decide!

Making sense of acronyms

How many of you on a first foray into the virtual world of conception have been completely baffled by all the acronyms and short hand for writing about pretty basic stuff? It's taken me ages to understand them and I'm still coming across new stuff. I try not to use acronyms in this blog but in case you come across them in other places here is a quick guide. But please add anymore that you come across in the comments section - it all helps.

2ww - two week wait, the time between ovulating and when your period is due (and you can take a pregnancy test
AF - Aunt Flo (Menstrual flow, Period, the curse, the blob, rag week, barnsley playing at home, being 'on', monthly bleeding, you get the picture)
AFNW - Aunt Flo Not Wanted
AI - Artificial Insemination
Babydust - bit of a twee one but way of wishing someone good luck at getting pregnant - doesn't seem to work!
BB's - Breasts, Boobs, Boobies, Bouncy funbags, Bristols, Bongos, Bazongas
BBT - Basal Body Temperature, a way of working out whether you are ovulating
BC - Birth Control
BCP - Birth Control Pills
BD - Baby Dance, having sex
BFN - Bloody Fucking Negative (excuse the language but I'm guessing we are all adults here)
BFN - Big Fat Negative (more polite version of the above not that the acronym will give any indication of how rude you are being)
BFP - Bloody Fucking Positive (positive text result)
BFP - Big Fat Positive (As above and again you can chose to interpret the acroym with or without the swear words)
BIL - Brother In Law
BMS - Baby Making Sex (makes it sound like a chore rather than for fun)
BTDT - Been There Done That
BTW - By The Way
CF - Cervical Fluid
CM - Cervical Mucus
CY - Cycle (monthly rather than bike)
DE - Donor Eggs
DH - Dear/ Darling Husband
DI - Donor Insemination
DP - Dear Partner
DPO - Days Past Ovulation
DTD - Doing The Dance, Sex
DW - Dear Wife
EDD - Estimated Due Date (let's hope we all get one of these)
EPT - Early Pregnancy Test
FIL - Father In Law
FM - Fertility Monitor
FMU - First morning Urine
FP - Follicular Phase
FTTA - Fertile Thoughts To All
GF - Girlfriend
GIFT - Gamete Intra-Fallopian Transfer
GP - General Pactitioner
HCG - Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (pregnancy hormone)
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
HRT - Hormone Replacement Therapy
HSG - Hysterosalpingram or as I put it, getting your tubes checked
Hx - History (no I don't know why it has an x in it either)
ICI - Intra-Cervical Insemination
IF - Infertility
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IVF - In Vitro Fertilization
KWIM - Know What I Mean
LMP - Last Menstural Period (the first day)
LH - Luteinizing Hormone, hormone that helps regulate ovulation and increases dramatically just before ovulation. It's what they test for to see if you are about to ovulate.
LOL - Laugh Out Loud - or Lots of Love. Can be confusing!
Luteal Phase - time between when you ovulate and when your period is due (basically the old two week wait).
MC, Misc - miscarriage
MS - Mornign sickness
O - Ovulation
OB/GYN - Obstetrician/Gynecologist
OC - Not the Tv programme but Oral Contraceptives
OTC - Over The Counter, something for the weekend sir?
PC - Post-Cotial, after sex
PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (there is gonna be a post about this)
PG - pregnant
PMS - Pre-Menstrual Syndrome
PMT - Pre Menstrual Tension
POAS - Pee On A Stick
S/A - Sperm Analysis
SO - Significant Other
STD - Sexually Transmited Disease
TTC - Trying To Conceive
US - Ultracound
V - Vasectomy
ZZZ - time for sleep (actually just made this up because I wanted to end with a Z but it is probably used some where out in the world wide web)

Allow me to introduce myself

Thanks for looking in.

Its a Sunday morning and, as is often the case, I'm thinking about why I'm still not pregnant after a year and half of trying. I did a quick search for blogs to find people going through the same things as me, and the only ones I found were of people who now have a baby. You never know maybe this is the answer start a blog about how difficult it is to conceive and - bang - up the duff.

It's my first entry, I hardly know you, so I'm not about to launch into a long tirade or outpouring of emotions, I'm British after all. Equally this isn't the time to go into detail about what I've tried and what I haven't - I'm sure that will come. But if any of the following scenarios sound familiar maybe this blog will help other women in my situation, but its not all about me, please add your comments too, one lone voice isn't much comfort but hearing other peoples stories will help me and all those others out there.

How women like us differ from the rest of the population:

• you don't mind putting on a bit of weight - you can rub your rounded tummy and imagine
  
• you go to yahoo answers and look up questions asked a year ago about chlomid or another wonder drug then virtually 'stalk' the person who posed the question to see if 9 months later they are asking about knitting patterns for babies booties or the best position for breast feeding
  
• you curse the fact that so many early pregnancy symptoms are similar to pre-menstrual
• the two week wait between the green light for conception and when you can take a pregnancy test is exciting, you tell yourself you can test on Sunday but always slip in a cheeky early test on the Thursday because some of these new tests can show a result four days before you are due and you just can't wait any longer - but its always negative
• at a dinner party or party you have a booze-dar for any woman not drinking alcohol and can't fathom any other reason for their abstinence other than they must be pregnant
  
• you have a mental list of women who are younger than you, or in newer relationships and develop a seething jealousy when they have the audacity to 'jump the queue' and get pregnant before you
  
• you look at young self obsessed celebrities like Nicole Richie, Charlotte Church and Christina Aguilera who seem to find the whole pregnancy thing really easy and realise life just isn't fair, you are much more forgiving of Nicol Kidman, Jennifer Lopez and Courteney Cox Arquette who seem to have put some real work in!

These are just my signifiers I'm sure you have more - please comment and share.

What are the best bits?

I don't know if these are necessarily the right edited highlights, but these are the posts that either I enjoyed writing the most, think are the most useful or provoked the strongest reactions (listed in chronological order, most recent first).

• Just Grow Up
  
• The Classics Reworked
  
• A New Lexicon: N-Z
  
• A New Lexicon: A-M
  
• Project Procreate
  
• It's Greek to me
• Barren Bingo
• You do the Math
  
• Reader, I married him
• Bought to you by the letters A to Z
• Acupuncture
  
• Taking Provera
• It has been X days since my last period
• The Hysteroscopy
• Investigation Update (HSG)
• Is romance dead?
• Making sense of acronyms
• Allow me to introduce myself

Who Are You?

Well, maybe not you specifically but here is a whole lot of blogs written by people who are also trying to conceive (many of whom are regular readers here). But you, who are you? Please leave a comment below and let me know and if you also write a blog and want it added to the list let me know and I will continue to update.

• A Decade Of BFNs
• Banana Pancakes
  
• Bottoms Off and on the table
• Conceive This
  
• Creative Girl
• Diary of a Miracle
  
• First Comes Love
• I want to be a Mommy
• It Just Takes One
  
• Lacking Expectations
• Mini Monk Maker
  
• Mummyfied
  
• Nuts In May
• Paint It Black
• Secret Diary Of An Infertile
• Stick In My Belly
  
• Take it one gigantic, earth-shattering crisis at a time
• The Stirrup Queen's Completely Anal List of Blogs That Proves That She Really Missed Her Calling as a Personal Organizer
• Who Shot My Stork?

Those on their way:

• A Few Good Sperm
• A Hopeful Unicorn
• Between the lines
• Exploring Chaos
• Fertility Challenged in Florida
• Finding Zen
• From My Front Porch
• The Unexplained Me
  
• Wanna Be Dad
• What You're Not Expecting When You're Trying to Expect
• xbox4nappyrash - a bloke's perspective

A list of folk that have made it here:

• B.A.B.I.E.S

And blogs who are out the other side:

• Reproductively Challenged
• Waiting On Life

Who Am I?

Well, I am Womb For Improvement. I'm British I live in central London. And guess what? Try as we might we are unable to get pregnant - did the title give it away?

Bit of background

My husband and I got together when we were 18, 12 years later we got married and started trying to get pregnant, in November 2006, so depending on when you are reading this you can work out a) how old I am and b) how long we have been shagging for gain not pleasure (well only as a by-product).

Here is a summary of what has happened so far (with links once we get past May 2008 when I started to blog).

2000-ish - Didn't have a period for about 6 months. Wasn't trying to get pregnant did lots of pregno tests - all negative. Went to the doc, had a scan was told I had polycystic ovaries (pcos) and the doctor packed me off saying; "Its not a problem until you want to get pregnant then there are drugs we can give you."

Nov 2006 - Finally tied the knot with my long-term boyfriend. Chucked the condoms (not that we had to wait until we got married but it seemed like the right time), started taking the pre-natal vitamins

March 2007 - Decided to go back to the Doctor, cause we knew I had pcos so it was time to get on them drugs. New doctor, old notes lost, laughed in my face, told I had to be trying for at least a year before they would consider medical intervention.

April - October 2007 - lots more humpage, ovulation predictor kits, more vitamins

November 2007 - we'd waited a year. back to the doctors (new doctor again - not my fault this is the nature of the National Health Service in the UK). Doctor tells me I have to wait 2 years before a referral. Get a strop on pull out dates and duration of my periods for the last year - very erratic as long as 93 days between periods. Doctor concedes may be a problem. Refers me to specialist fertility clinic in hospital. First appointment January (again the nature of waiting lists on the NHS)

January 2008 - first appointment schedule in tests.

March 2008 - test results all seem really positive, the blood test shows I am ovulating, for once my period seems to be fairly regular. I have scan, don't seem to have pcos, but they think I may have a subseptate womb, 3D scan shows that I don't. Husband has sperm test, he passes. Told to keep at it and come back in June, 11 days after a period for a HSG (getting tubes checked to ensure there isn't a blockage) if we aren't pregnant.

May 2008 - start this blog. Figure loads of people who have a blog get pregnant.

April - June 2008 - I don't have a period, I'm not pregnant. Call hospital as worried that I can't have a HSG without first having a period prescribed Provera to bring my period on.

June 2008 - finally get a period, have a HSG (if you read just one post read this, it is my favourite)

July 2008 - Possible irregularities found at the HSG need more investigation.

September 2008 - Have Hysteroscopy, discover abnormal womb lining

October 2008 - Get prescribed 3 months worth of Provera to help clear out my irregular womb lining.

January 2009 - Stopped the provera. Didn't get a period, womb lining remains intact and isn't very healthy. So have had a coil shoved up there for six months to blitz the lining and get it all tumbling out to prepare me for insemination.

July 2009 - Have an appointment scheduled with Doctor to start remove coil. Interuterine Insemination should start soon after that - they want to be quick so the womb lining doesn't have a chance to grow back.

This blog's focus is on getting pregnant (or in my case trying and failing) but I do, with increasing regularity stray off topic - particularly now (between Jan and July 09) when I am simply waiting.

I also blog at www.fertilityauthority.com and there I do stick to the topic.

I love getting comments, who doesn't? But if you want a more private arena feel free to email me at: womb4improvement@gmail.com