Friday, 7 November 2008

Pill Popping

One month down, two more to go.

I've now taken 28 days worth of the provera (15mg).

You can read the whole story here, but the potted version is that the hysteroscopy revealed a whole lot of gunk in my womb so they are building the lining to flush it out in a tsunami of period in January before they go in for another look.

The first few days, even week was fine. But week 2. Oh dear me no.

I couldn't sleep.

I felt nauseous.

My boobs hurt.

I kept crying.

Yeah, kinda like all the symptoms you are supposed to have to indicate pregnancy, only without the main event.

Feeling sick was the worst.

I woke up. Fine.

I sat up. Gagged.

I went to the bathroom. Heaved.

I figured the only way to get rid of it was actually be sick. I crouched over the cool white china. Nothing. I'd never have made a bulimic. Still, I did notice I needed to change the toilet rim hanger. So it wasn't a complete waste of time.

I took a day off sick. Which is very rare. The following day I had an appointment with the local doc anyway (the hospital would only give 1 months worth of drugs at a time so I had to get a repeat prescription).

That was embarrassing. I walked in, sat down, and started crying. I then started laughing whilst crying explaining this wasn't me, I didn't do this. She passed the tissues.

We had a chat, and she said that often if you get an adverse reaction like this it passes after the fourth week so booked another appointment this week to check how it was going.

So now I'm much better. I still feel a bit puke-y first thing but if I force myself to have breakfast I'm usually fine.

The bursting into tears at the most ridiculous things (Gok's How to Look Good Naked, seriously) has stopped. The more I think about that I wonder if it was less to do with ingesting shed-loads of progesterone and more about a culmination of waiting, lack of sleep and more waiting.

I got this letter from the hospital yesterday. Correction, the clinical psychologist got this letter from the hospital yesterday about me, I was cc-d:

As you can see from my letter, this lady has been rather distressed recently and I am sure she will benefit from seeing you.

"this lady"? **looks behind me** Shit, they mean me.

I have long-held suspicion of counselling despite, or maybe because of, my womb-mate's occupation. But its free, so why not? Plus it can't do any harm, can it?

Anyone had counselling about infertility? Has it helped you? How the hell am I going to get the husband to agree to come along with me?


  1. Sorry you have to go through all that. Hopefully it will be a good result.

    I saw a councelor a few years ago during my divorce. It was really helpful. I have no idea how it will be with infertility, but it can't hurt. Good luck with DH. :)

  2. I think councilling could be great, like you said at the least no harm. As for convincing the husband,I am no help mine believes it is a complete waste of time and money and can't convince him either.

  3. Thanks Lea, I'm going to give it a go.

    PIB, I think this post has helped. He read it, "Do I have to? OK I'll come." We'll see.

  4. Sounds like a blast!

    I reckon hubby will go, he's a good sort*.

    *Based on no evidence whatsoever.

  5. X, you reckon he is a good sort because you share the same opinion of Jamie Oliver therefore he can't be all bad. But you're right, he'll bitch about it, but he'll come.

  6. hi! i found you as i was doing a google search...don't be freaked out...i have PCOS too and we've been ttc for 5 years...i'm finally trying the clomid, so we'll see...
    i'm going to subscribe to your blog if you don't mind!

  7. Gok's had me snivelling before now.
    Don't feel bad. He obviously calls to the inner Weepy!

    A good counsellor is worth their weight in gold.

  8. I feel icky on the last day or two before my period entirely on my own natural progesterone. Provera for weeks on end, oy vey. You poor girl.

    A counsellor is, if nothing else, an excellent referee, to help you understand where your husband is coming from and help him understand where you are coming from. Which makes the whole infertility thing easier.

    I'm so sorry you're feeling so wretched. Best wishes with it all. *hugs*

  9. Heidi, Welcome. Not freaked out at all and delighted to have you on board! You're a few years further down the line than me in terms of trying (which always makes me feel like I have nothing to complain about). Hope the clomid sorts you out, without any nasty side effects.

    HFF, Cheers it was one of your recent posts that made me decide to grasp the counsellor with both hands ... as it were.

    Nuts, hormones eh? Can't live with 'em, can't give life without 'em. We'll get there.

  10. I always get a bit twitchy when anyone mentions counselling but if you think that it will help, it's worth a try.

    The three month break is slowly ticking away - hopefully the build up to Christmas and the New Year will distract you for the next two.

  11. Ugh Provera. Hang in there.

    I tried one counselor and she was completely awful. She knew nothing about which she spoke. It seems to be very difficult to find a good therapist that fits you. But I also believe that when you do, it can make a world of difference. Keep us posted!

  12. Since you asked....

    I think counselling can help - but it very much depends on what type of counselling. From my undertanding, much of the help on offer through the NHS tends to be cognitive behavioural therapy - which seeks to identify the particular issue or situation which is causing you difficulty and then tries to give you practical techniques for coping with that particular situation. I'm not sure whether something that is as clearly solution-oriented is necessarily helpful in dealing with something as complex and multi-layered as infertility.

    But having said that, I don't think you should reject the sessions out of hand - particularly not if your husband has agreed to go with you. You may both find it easier to talk about your feelings in the counselling session, which may in turn pave the way for further conversations at home.

    Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

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