Monday, 24 November 2008

I have the key


I have the secret.

So we all know the deal. The way to get pregnant is to just relax. So obvious, and so easy that any one worth their salt will give you that gem within 3.47 minutes of hearing that you are having trouble getting knocked up / knocking someone else up.

The age-old problem being, how the fuck do you relax when you have got maybes a year into trying to have a baby and it just isn't happening?

Well, my little chickadees I know how to relax. Scratch that, after my Italian vacation I would even go so far as to say I know how to chillax, it was that good.

And, for just 12 monthly installment of £9.99 (with a reduced VAT) I will let you into the secret.

No? Sigh.

OK, because you were all so wonderful with advice about the man's swimmers here it is for free:
  • Siestas are for the win
  • Don't have post-lunch espressos (see above)
  • Preprandial preambulation is a must, all the Italians do it
  • Don't stress about learning names, simply call everyone Bella, even the boys
  • Ensure you eat well, at least four courses per meal (and that's not including pudding), oh and one course must include enough pasta an average English family of four would have for their weekly bolognese
  • Choose to go away at trough season (which I assume is the antonym of peak season, but also covers the amount of troughing we did) and thereby avoid other tourists
  • Switch off roaming, wifi, any types of mechanical devices that keep you in touch with the world at large
  • Generate endorphins by exercising, we chose exercise that could be conducted within the confines of our hotel room and needed minimal equipment
  • Talking of minimal equipment, and this is the key, when engaged sexual congress use a condom. That way you avoid all the little stresses that can come about by wondering if you are ovulating, whether that time was it, shoving a post-coital pillow under your hips
Oh, shit. That doesn't work does it.? Hmmm. OK, I'll get back to you on the whole how to relax and conceive (you guys want everything!). But it was a fantastic break regardless.


7 comments:

  1. Glad you had a good time. Welcome back!

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  2. You lippy mare.

    Sorry, just always wanted to say that, a la del boy.

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  3. Sounds like the ideal holiday. I'm so jealous!

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  4. Glad you had fun! Wish I could jaunt over to Italy for holiday! ;)

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  5. ha!!!!!! how ironic - re: my todays post...to come over and read this.

    love it.

    glad you had some 'international' R&R.

    s

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  6. Thanks, Lea, would like to say it is good to be back, but, y'know

    Xbox, I assume that comment is more related to what I wrote on your blog rather than this post. But yeah, if the cap fits.

    Jane, yeah, twas good.

    Barb, That's the joy of Europe.

    Stella, Saw the post. Same subject, different angle.

    Secret D, it was much needed. Trust me.

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I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!