Have I told you my womb mate is a psychologist?
This can be good and bad.
Bad. When she decided to try and cure my vertigo half-way up Gaudi's bell towers in Barcelona. "On a scale of one to ten how scared are you right now? Ten. Really? Ten is the most scared you have ever been in your whole life. Ever. OK I'll let you have seven. God! This is great I can't laugh at my patients but I can laugh at you." (Yes, I was on that tiny bridge between the towers at the time - and the safety barriers are about knee height).
Good. When she tells me strange little things she has read. Mainly about people with brain injuries that I won't go into now but one thing that stuck in my mind was research on lottery winners (I'm not really a woman obsessed, honest). Basically after the initial euphoria folk who were happy and content before remain happy and content, and those who use to think nothing ever went their way and were miserable bastards then they too revert to type. Same after a miserable experience after grief, pain etc people revert to where they were before.
And I am a happy person. I have always been happy. Builder's shout at my mate "Cheer up love, it might never happen." With me its "Hello smiler". Note I am not smiling at builders (I'm not that much of a hussy) but more I have a habit of walking down the street grinning inanly, yes, like a simpleton.
So despite the kinda bi-polar nature of my posts I remain optimistic, I might have blips - like the last couple of days but I still feel positive. I'm still a happy person. And I am really aware that I haven't had to cope with a miscarriage, anything that is difficult to cure, sperm donations, ivf etc it's only three months I've had those kind of break before with my never-ending cycles the difference is now I can prepare myself rather than constantly live with dashed hopes.
So maybe its a result of reading too much Pollyanna and Enid Blyton ("Buck up, old girl") as a kid but here are my reasons to be cheerful:
- I will save a fortune on fud-plugs (tampons)
- Whilst I've gone three months without a period before I will also be saving a fortune on pee sticks
- I can buy myself a new pair of jeans without wondering whether to go a couple of sizes too big, just in case I get preggers
- I can stop taking folic acid (not a massive issue for me but it is a bit of reclaiming my life, and I consume a massive about of marmite anyway so probably don't need supplements)
- I can reconcile myself to not being pregnant at certain milestones now rather than get upset on the day; anniversary, Christmas, New Year, next Dentist appointment
- I can plan booze-filled fun things to do at the above events (well maybes not the dentist, though actually a wee shot of vodka to numb the fear)
- I won't have to worry that I'll be on a two week wait at my work Christmas do, so won't have to watch the nudges and raised eye brows if people notice I'm not drinking
- I have three months to prepare my body for conception (hmmm, yeah, ignore all the booze references above obviously I won't be binge drinking every night ... probably)
- I'm doing a management course over the next couple of months so will be able to concentrate a bit more on that. (Oh god I should be starting my assignment now)
- I can go ahead with a visit to my mates who live on the continent without embarking on the eurostar clutching a warm cup of recently extracted spunk and a turkey baster just on the happen-chance that I ovulate whilst away from the husband
- I can dye my hair without the guilt that the chemicals might swirl around my blood stream and damage a recently conceived embryo - because I am worth it
- The husband and I can have a quickie without me having to factor in twenty minuets of post-coital lounging with pillow under hips to encourage the swimmers in the right direction
- With no internals coming up, an end to any kind of bikini weather and the husband being grateful for what he can get I can relax my downstairs topiary routine and embrace the retro-muff look as featured by playboy models circa 1968 - 1979.