Thursday, 11 September 2008

Its not you, its me

This year has been a testing. Literally.

I've had blood tests, normal scans, 3D scans, a HSG and soon a hysteroscopy.

And the husband has had to take himself off to a small, recently-vacated, clinical room. He has leafed through a couple of well-thumbed 'specialist' magazines and jizzed in a cup. (He was pleased that because of the purpose of the room, none of the pages were stuck together - you don't waste that juice when you are being tested on it).

My results have been inconsistent. Sometimes getting the all clear, other times I go back for a follow up and the original area of concern has disappeared but a new one pops up. (Or 'polyps up' ... no don't go, sorry, it won't happen again)

The husband's one result has come back as 'fine'. Quite frankly his 26% morphology seems paltry to me. I mean if I got 26% on a test I'd be pretty damn disappointed, and quite sure I'd failed. But hey, with so many million swimmers tearing round his testicles that's still an awful lot of them to wriggle its way up to the sweet spot. And as my mate said today, it just takes one.

Our relationship is built on a healthy disrespect, an unrelenting amount of taking the piss and a mutual adoration. We laugh a lot, even about difficult things. Even about the barren wasteland that is my womb. Smug, is how I would describe the husband knowing that he has the all clear.

Of course I have the last laugh 'cause it doesn't matter how good his swimmers are, without me they are nothing. Because if he wants a kid, it is still me he has to fertilize so he can stop swaggering and clicking his tongue whilst glancing manfully at his groin. We are going to have to do this together.

This year has been testing. But our relationship hasn't been properly tested. Not yet. Fuck you infertility you won't beat us!

And that, dear reader, is about as slushy as I get. But (and don't tell him I told you this) he is bloody brilliant, the husband.


  1. Having a good, funny, adorable husband is SUCH a blessing, as is the 'we're in this together thing'. Hurrah for the husband! Very quietly, so he doesn't hear and get a swelled head!

  2. I'm glad to hear that your husband is bloody brilliant - that makes all the difference in the world when it comes to this infertility shit. In our IF tribulation, it's me too, not him - I just try to thank God for saving his manhood in this whole thing - ha ha! Great post!

  3. I have no doubt this stuff makes or breaks you, thankfully I think we'll get through it, and by the sounds of it you will too.

    Coincidence that laughing about it all plays a big part?

    (btw I was told I was doomed forever after a 32% motility result so I dunno why he's so smug!)

  4. Husbands rock. I'm so glad yours is so awesome- you're right- we're in this together, and it's so important to have their support when we're suffering through the endless cycle of tests.

    My fs told me that anything over 50% motility is good... but does your hubby have huge numbers? If you end up going the IUI route, they'll wash 'em and keep the goodies- my husband ended up with 95% motility in the sample after the wash. (Sorry- I haven't read back much in your blog, so I'm not sure where you're at with treatments.) All the non-swimmers and lazy buggers got weeded out.

  5. Infertility is definitely a maker or breaker. I was always in doubt as to whether we would survive IF but, after the week we have had, I am sure we will.

    I don't know which is worse, male or female factor. Part of me wishes it was me (although after the HSG we may find out that we are both contributing). It sucks whatever!

  6. Nuts, shhh, he might hear.

    Leslie, yup, they are fragile little flowers where as at least we can take it.

    Xbox, got confused between mobility /motility and morphology. You managed to push that figure up thought didn't you?

    Rescog, as above I meant morphology, looks like IUI might be the next stage so hope fully only the creme de la creme (yuk) will get make it.

    Secret D, Its tough either way, but I guess the point is that whose 'fault' it is doesn't really matter int he long term - you're in it together, unless you're not, in which case best it didn't happen. Does that make sense?

  7. Yeah directly connected or not, I managed to get it from 32% to 69%, Zinc is shown to have great effect on motility, but I added vitamins C, D and beta carotene.

    26% on morphology (from the 30% mark)is pretty good.

    It's easy have a 'bad' SA day, but not a 'good' SA day by accident, so they tend to say if he hits a good score even once, then it's ok.


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