Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Did you have a good Easter?

You know. Easter.

Let me help you out here. I'm guessing there were chocolate eggs. You probably saw quite a lot of fluffy chicks around. I know what'll jog your memory, your aunt sent you a cross stitch card featuring a bouncing lamb and daffodils. Oh! And you had The Friday and Monday off work (probably).

Yes, that Easter.

To be fair it was a little while ago.

Now what about the 18 of March, the Tuesday before Easter? It was my mate E's birthday I sent her a card.

I remember it pretty well, not cause of the birthday, but I had a doctors appointment that day. my first specialist appointment to talk about why the hell I wasn't pregnant. I came along clutching my list of my cycle dates.

I had been regular for 5 months. I know five months!!! (Believe me the exclamation marks are entirely necessary). For the first time in my life, notwithstanding when I was on the pill which was the majority of my adult life, I was regular.

The doctor told me not to worry come back in a few months if nothing had happened and the husband and I trotted off happy, if not a little shamefaced, that we'd got into such a flap about everything when clearly there was nothing wrong. We just needed a little more time.

And on that very day I had one of those smiley faces on the mega expensive digital ovulation predictor kits. I had ovulated. We, you know, did the deed.

That was six months ago tomorrow.

That was a couple of months before I started this blog.

That was the last time I got a positive ovulation test.

That was a few days before I found out my sister was pregnant. I went round tonight, she is enormous (in the right places). She's due in 2 months.

That was a week (or so) before I found out one of my best mates was pregnant, she is booked in for a cesarean at the end of next month.

I have done nothing since, two periods, one after that ovulation, one brought on by drugs (medical, not fun ones).

Waiting, waiting, waiting.


  1. when you lay it out like that, with dates and numbers, and other pregnancies, it makes for really sickening reading.

    no one deserves this.

  2. Big hugs too. I hope you're writing about your end to infertility come next easter.

  3. Damn, IF sucks - particularly when you think about the time - all the crazy time we invest in trying to fix it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to want all of this time back some day - it really is "sickening"!

    I think like this sometimes too - I think about my good friend who I can vividly remember telling me she was pregnant - and thinking, that will be me very soon! That was two years ago in February, and still no baby. That kid is like a walking monument of how long we've been dealing with this.

    Hang in there - every day you're one step closer to resolution.

  4. Hugs. It hurts when you have certain dates in mind. I felt the exact same way after my first specialist appt. Here I am 5 months and one more miscarriage later. Its hard to take it day by day when you're looking back but I hope you hang in there.

  5. Thank Sarah, hugs gratefully received.

    Xbox, I'm certainly sick of it.

    Penny, So do I. But its coming ever closer, I certainly won't have a baby by then...

    Leslie, I know, you hear someone is pregnant and you hope your kids will be similar ages, then Ok yours will be 3 months younger, 6 months younger, 9 months younger, and so it goes up.

    Bee, I feel a bit shamefaced when I get comments like yours. I see the passage of time as what could've been, if you've had a miscarriage its what should've been. Sorry.

  6. Waiting sucks so bad. I hope that things start to move forward more quickly soon.

  7. I think it's not only the waiting, but also the feeling that you are standing still while everyone else is moving forward with their lives, that makes all this so difficult to bear.

    I wish you peace, my dear, and hope that things start moving forward very soon.

  8. There is nothing I can say to make the wait go quicker. I wish there were. What I tell myself, a very impatient Aries, IT'S WORTH IT. IT'S WORTH THE WAIT, THE HEARTACHE, THE TESTS, THE POKES, THE PRODES, EVERYTHING. (((((((((((hugggs)))))))))))))

  9. I know exactly what you are saying. I absolutely hate all the waiting, especially when it feels like everybody else doesn't have to wait.

    We had just started ttc when there were pregnancy announcements from three of my friends. Their children are now approaching two and still we aren't any closer to having a baby.

  10. I'm sorry sweetie. Believe me... I REALLY REALLY Understand the significance of 5 mos. That is astounding to me. I can't imagine if I ovulated 5 mos in a row. (well, for me it would be more like 8 mos since I have such late O when I do)

  11. Thanks Batty, BFN, Secret D and Barb, things have started to move see todays post. I think this was written with the help of a hefty dose of PMT. But its great to have such support.


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