I don't know where to start.
I got a call from my Doc this afternoon with the results from the hysteroscopy. I was surprised, I'd been expecting these at my appointment in October.
It wasn't good.
She said that there was some abnormality with the cells "not cancerous" but I had to take provera for the next three months to thicken my womb lining and then I'd have another hysteroscopy to take it out and then, and only then, could I start trying to conceive.
When could I come in to get the prescription? I said I'd come in that afternoon, luckily I have the type of job (and boss) that if I say I have to take the rest of the afternoon off I can.
Then it went tits up.
I've just deleted a couple of thousand words about me waiting and going backwards and forwards trying to find the prescription and work out what it meant, you don't need all that shit and I'm not in the mood to make it funny. But it culminated in me sitting in the doctors office.
I told her how upset I'd been when I discovered through a letter that I was due for Intrauterine Insemination. She was stunned "but we always do IUI with super-ovulation! You got the leaflet" No, I didn't.
I burst into tears (this is becoming a habit).
She asked me if I had anyone I could talk to. I didn't think the blogging sista-(and one brotha) hood counted. She asked if I talked to my mother.
My mother died when I was fifteen.
I took a while choking out those words to the doctor.
I left with her booking me in to see a councillor and a specialist in familial cancers.
I don't want to go to the specialist. From what she was saying the specialist will ascertain what my genetic predisposition to breast cancer is. I really don't want to know.
For my friends 'in the real world' who are reading this: Sorry I couldn't tell you in person but I've just been on the phone to my womb-mate and I can't really talk at the moment, I'm still pretty weepy and struggling with full sentences.
For fellow bloggers one question remains: With three months enforced not trying to conceive what the hell am I going to write about between now and Christmas?