Wednesday, 2 July 2008

Investigation update

5.07am: woke up, checked clock, fell asleep.

5.12am: woke up, checked clock, fell asleep.

5.36am: woke up, checked clock, mused that I'm more excited than nervous about today, this feels like the first positive step I've made towards being pregnant for 3 and a half months.

5.37am: Mental note. There is no eggs and sperm going to meet today, this is just a test.

5.38am: Ask the husband if he is awake, I know he is not, the husband doesn't stir, the dog pricks up his ears.

5.59am: Almost 6 - officially morning.

6.00am: So what? I don't get up until 7.15

6.15am: Do I need a wee?

6.17am: Yes

6.18am: Pee on a stick because the instructions for today say that I have to do a pregnancy test on the morning of my HSG.

6.19am: I know I'm not pregnant I have taken loads of these over the past 3 months, I have followed instructions and not had sex since the first day of my last period, which was 11 days ago.

6.20am: So why am I still checking?

6.21am: Negative. Obviously.

7.20am: Take dog out for a walk. Wonder how I'll feel about these early morning walks if I had morning sickness.

7.23am: Scoop the dog's shit. Nappies will be a piece of piss after this.

7.24am: Literally. Make myself laugh out loud like a mad woman. Man in park with can of special brew moves away nervously.

8.01am: Read instructions for todays HSG. Nothing to do until 9.30 two hours before the test.

8.15am: Have shower wash bits with care, don't want health care professionals thinking I am a mink.

8.16am: Can I be bothered to shave my legs?

8.17am: Yes, don't want the doctor thinking 'No wonder she can't get pregnant who would want to have sex with someone with stubbly legs'.

9.01am: Have to take antibiotics 2 hours before appointment on an empty stomach. Hungry now.

9.30am: Double check instructions for the painkillers. "gently insert one suppository into the rectum two hours before the procedure". Gently!

9.31am: Climb down from the step ladder and put broom handle away.

9.32am: Bit of a rush now have to put two up that orifice and swallow the other.

9.35am: All done and think I got the right slots for everything.

9.36am: I really need to do a poo.

9.37am: No I don't. Its psychosomatic. I refuse to give in.

9.45am: I've managed to distract myself - do you think it is absorbed by now? Why does my stomach hurt?

9.55am: Stomach really hurts now but have to wait an hour after taking the antibiotics before eating.

9.58am: Appointment in an hour and a half, hospital half an hour away. Might go now.

9.59am: You know, just so that I can pick up some breakfast on the way and find the right department.

I'm back
I'm not going to stick to the minute by minute but for those of you who are having a HSG in the future and want to know what happens here goes (for those that don't just read the last paragraph):

I put on a fetching blue gown and was taken through to the x-ray room. The doctor went through what to expect, they were going to squirt some fluid into my tubes and take a quick x-ray, it might be a bit uncomfortable and expect a bit of spotting and cramping for a few days afterwards but would only take 10minutes.

I asked when I could start trying to get pregnant again because the pamphlet was a bit vague and he said once the post-procedure symptons had died down we could start again as there wouldn't be any long term effects.

So he got a big sheet of paper and tore a hole in the centre - all very Victorian marital sheet - and asked me to pull up the gown. He placed it so that the only bit of my body I would rather not have on show was on show. (There is the doctor, a student doctor and a nurse in the room).

Sticking with the Victorian theme he pulled out a big metal instrument of torture designed to hold my vagina open whilst he fiddled around. They have used these on my before during smear tests but they are usually administered by a matronly nurse who has been through these things themselves and are very gentle and careful. Today's doctor shoved it up, pushed it around, squeezed it left, wiggled it right, pushed on my bladder, asked me to put my hands under my butt. That was easily the most painful bit. Eventually not able to get anywhere he withdrew that piece of apparatus and used a longer plastic one which was much less painful.

Next came the filling of my fallopian tubes with a liquid that would show up on the x-ray. Tube one didn't work, tube two (with a balloon on the end) seemed to go ok so they pulled the x-ray machine over my tummy and tried to take some pictures. A shout from the back of the room, the consultant that I hadn't noticed asked for more contrast. The left tube was clearly causing some problems, someone suggested using a leech. And reader, even in my compromised position, I am proud to say I managed to make a joke about assuming they weren't talking about blood sucking parasites. I even got a laugh.

The floppy-haired consultant came closer he had a go with a fourth type of tube he told me that it would be a strange sensation and I would feel pressure, I resisted the urge to ask when he last had his tubes tested. I was asked to roll on my side. They commented on my long cervix. They said I had a tight something - it sounded like a tight arse but maybe they said tight oss whatever that is, I took it was a compliment. They took more pictures.

The result my tubes look fine. But there is "a slight irregularity, nothing to loose sleep over, it might be something it might be nothing. Have you ever had an infection there? No. Oh well. And have you ever been pregnant? No? Right. Well, sure its nothing to worry about I'll put it in my letter to your doctor. Here's a sanitary towel. Goodbye".

So in summary, maybe it was the painkillers, but other than the initial entry it didn't really hurt. Don't know if it will help but at least they are taking things seriously, and after hearing about xbox's experiences yesterday I know I am lucky that they are getting on and doing some investigations.


  1. I'm really glad your HSG went okay and that it's done. I had to smile at some of your description of things - it was a unique and fun way to read about something that I've had done. I'm glad the results came out okay, and wanted to wish you the best of luck in the weeks ahead!

  2. I'm so glad I'm the one with the testicles.

    That turned my stomach, the wife is NEVER reading this.

  3. Oh and I've just realised that that was all one post and not two so I just have to say your minute by minute was fucking funny.

    Hope the aftermath goes ok for you.

  4. I am so glad to hear the results were good-one less thing to worry about. By the way-your description of the procedure was way too funny! What we go through!

  5. Hi Sara, glad I made you smile, if I took it too seriously I'd get too depressed. Had a quick look at your blog and congratulations on your success!

    xbox, I thought you were made of sterner stuff. It wasn't that bad was it? (Glad you found it funny, praise from the master!)

    Deborah, good results, but the more i think about the 'irregularity' the more I wish I'd asked about it rather than dash out clutching the remnants of my dignity.

  6. Wow...

    Talk about descriptive! It's okay was descriptive in a good way! Although the torture picture along with your writing brought back some "fun" memories. But very happy that everything went ok and that everything is now done with your HSG.

    We wish you the best of luck!!!

    Free Help Trying To Conceive From a Mother Who's Been There :)

  7. Glad it went well and that the tubes are clear. Mine wasn't bad either and the speculum was the worst part.

  8. Glad it all went okay - I have fond memories NOT of my procedure.
    Yes the speculum is bad anytime - the pressure is an under statement if the tubes are blocked though - damn near torture of worst kind.
    Hope it brings you closer to answers.

    LOL at Xbox comment

  9. Cheers Michelle, Glad its over too.

    Michell, Speculum! That is what it is called. Thanks.

    Baby-Amore, Yes, it didn’t cross my mind how much worse it would have been had there been a blockage. My heart goes out to anyone who had to contend with that too.

  10. Thank you! Thank you! Seriously. I have read entirely TOOOO many horror stories, and as I said I am now a "bit" worried.
    But, reading your post has made me feel a bit better. It didnt sound to me that it was immensely painful or the worst pain of your life(other woman have said as such) so....I think....MAYBE...I'll be okay.


    And how fantastic is X....I mean really?!

  11. Welcome Sarah, Apparently it does hurt more if you have a blockage but then at least there is a reason for it hurting. But whoever said it was the worst pain ever has clearly never had to go to work on a serious hangover (at least this is much quicker). It'll be fine and I'll be visiting your blog to see how it goes.

    And yeah, xbox rocks!

  12. Here from the creme and found your post hysterical! Brought back memories of my own HSG - which like yours was not too painful at all and ended with results I wanted to hear!

    BUT I was told that I "should try and TTC in the next 2 cycles as the procedure has the side-effect of spring-cleaning the tubes". When I told him that I had to wait six months he asked "Why? Is your husband away?" And when I told him I would be using a sperm donor he was silent. The nurses were silent. And I left silently. I would have thought that fertility specialists would be more au fait with the many modes of conception. Maybe now they might be!

    Good luck!

  13. I laughed so hard reading that, my other half thinks im a lunatic....the tight ass /oss really got me !!. x x x


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