Thursday, 5 June 2008
I went to the dentist this morning. I'm very good to my teeth. I go every 6 months.
I went just before my wedding and the dentist asked, as he always does, if I am on any medication, if I am allergic to anything and if I am expecting. At that time it was almost exciting to be asked because I said no but thought, maybe next time...
When he asked today, the third time since then, again I had to say no, but now it sounded more like a taunt than a standard question.
A friend of mine who is going through a similar experience to me but is a year further down the road told me when I blurted out that I was trying to have a baby but hadn't had any joy, that the first year is the worst. And she is right because during that first year you are ridiculously hopeful and excited and only after 12 months of trying do you try an protect yourself a bit more and expect the worst so any good news is a bonus.
What she didn't say was that there are also little milestones that bring it home how long you have been trying. Like the dentist appointment, like my birthday (number 32 is coming up and I know that I'll remember last birthday I hoped that in a year I'd either have a baby or be pregnant), like 3 months after my birthday when I'll know that the youngest I'll be is 33 when I have a baby, and like my wedding anniversary. I really want it to be a happy occasion but I am worried that it will be yet another reminder of how long we have been trying and how difficult it has been.
What are the milestones that you have, that marks the passage of time?