Thursday, 5 June 2008


I went to the dentist this morning. I'm very good to my teeth. I go every 6 months.

I went just before my wedding and the dentist asked, as he always does, if I am on any medication, if I am allergic to anything and if I am pregnant. At that time it was almost exciting to be asked because I said no but thought, maybe next time...

When he asked today, the third time since then, again I had to say no, but now it sounded more like a taunt than a standard question.

A friend of mine who is going through a similar experience to me but is a year further down the road told me when I blurted out that I was trying to have a baby but hadn't had any joy, that the first year is the worst. And she is right because during that first year you are ridiculously hopeful and excited and only after 12 months of trying do you try an protect yourself a bit more and expect the worst so any good news is a bonus.

What she didn't say was that there are also little milestones that bring it home how long you have been trying. Like the dentist appointment, like my birthday (number 32 is coming up and I know that I'll remember last birthday I hoped that in a year I'd either have a baby or be pregnant), like 3 months after my birthday when I'll know that the youngest I'll be is 33 when I have a baby, and like my wedding anniversary. I really want it to be a happy occasion but I am worried that it will be yet another reminder of how long we have been trying and how difficult it has been.

What are the milestones that you have, that marks the passage of time?


  1. Yet another coincidence, I was at the dentist, well orthodontist, this morning too!

    and yikes, the milestones, Christmas, end of March with a view to NEXT Christmas, same with both birthdays and 3 months after that...

    I had a similar thing when I was getting treatment on my back, he would ask if I had any news, I'd say know, but think to myself 'the next time I will', the visits are every 6 months now, and nothing!

  2. Although it only took us a year to get pregnant, I do remember the milestones thing being miserable and crying on various occasions. The problem is that now we have a one year old and nostalgically look back on the fun free days when we could go out and drink and stay out late and I say 'wasn't it great when we went to that lovely restauranat/ on that lovely holiday' my other half says, 'the problem was you were miserable, because you wanted to be pregnant'. I know it's very easy to say with hindsight but I really do regret having wasted those times I could have been having fun because I was upset about not being pregnant. When you do get pregnant, you'll think 'why the f*** didn't we do that', it was the first year/few years of our married life and we had total freedom and cash!

  3. Thanks Anon, yes, I'm very conscious that I don't want to look back on my early thirties and regret wishing it away, so I am continuing to have a life beyond the pee stick.I'm quite a happy person generally so there are still lots more highs than lows at the moment.

  4. Perhaps it's odd to comment on a post nearly three years old, but reading your most recent led me to this and I just HAVE to comment because your post, and the comments, touched me.

    My dentist is also my husband's dentist, a petite, cheery Russian woman who has been more anxious for us to have children (practically) than we have ourselves. Hence, she knows of our struggles, and now I DREAD going to see her. I always think, "Maybe I'll be pregnant and will have to cancel my next appointment," (and I would cancel, oral hygene be damned, because I wonder- in hindsight- if dentistry is part of what did in each of my pregnancies). But when another six months rolls around, I'm always SO not pregnant...

    And, the milestones... as anonymous commented, they are very difficult. I don't want to wish away my life, either, and I do try to savor traveling and going out and even silences and alone time with DH. But I wonder how I will look back on this part of my life? Will it seem I've wasted energy and emotion on something that was bound to work out exactly the way it should? Because I believe that it will. And will that mean I will look back with a grateful heart- grateful for the child I had longed for; or look back with sorrow for the child I never had...?

    So much still unknown...


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